5th one!

Today, Greg woke up at 6 AM for his morning feeding, and Trav gave me a card and a new yoga mat from him and all the kids: Jay, Alee, and Greg. Parenting is still a bit of a fog for me at times, because I feel like it is not even real!!

Well, today has been harder than expected already. The sadness of all the trauma that goes along with me being a mother has clouded over me this morning. Everyone else has voiced their excitement for me this last week as it's "your first" Mother's Day. In my mind, I'm quick to say "no it's not." A few times this week, I voiced that it's my first Mother's Day with a live baby. Actually, it's my 5th Mother's Day and my 15th FurMother's Day. So many people forget or just plain don't recognize Mother's Day with perinatal loss.

My hope for all is that we give special love to those moms who've experienced perinatal loss and those moms who have lost a child at any age. 

God bless ALL mamas!!

My husband and more!

My husband...

-Makes me oatmeal every day--the real kind adding raisins, cinnamon and maple syrup, not instant stuff

-Says "have a good day" every day

-Makes my lunch on my workdays

-Brings Greg into me when there are nightly feedings

-Is the nighttime consoler for Greg

-Feeds our animals

-Fills my water bottle and puts my lunch, breast pump, yoga mat and yoga bag into my truck on work days

-Makes sure Greg's cloth diapers get laundered every other day

-Puts wood in our boiler 2-3 times daily

-Monitors and launders our yoga wear so we have clean stuff all week

-Reminds me to drink water all day long to help milk production

-Gets the mail every day

-Sometimes, he even puts on my shoes when I am feeding Greg in the morning before work :)

So, you're probably wondering what I do? I would say, everything else! Lol :) No, we really do a mix of chores and complement each other well with what we do. I just felt like lifting up what he does today!

And more...topics of our interest or that have come up recently that I feel like writing about. 

-We do not do baby monitors. 

-We are doing "Baby Led Weaning" with solid foods--no need to purée!

-We believe using natural instinct is best versus the terms "crying it out "or "attachment parenting" which are known as more of the extremes. 

-Elimination communication is so beneficial for babies and parents alike. We are still catching 4-10 potties on the potty chair daily. Grandma Carol even catches some!

-Greg is still swaddled at night and naptime, because he loves it. He also sleeps with multiple blankets rolled up on both sides of him--because it works!

-Rudy, our greyhound, continues to be an extremist when it comes to babysitting Greg. He howls whenever Greg bawls.  This is not fun!!

-Cloth diapers really are fantastic for the environment, and we recommend Best Bottoms brand!

Happy Holy Week! Remember Jesus on Easter ;) it's not just about the bunny and egg hunts!

Peace,

P

Lilies are coming up!

Folding clothes and eating dryer balls!

Sleeping on mom in the shower...awwww!

Me...

It's been a while!

Me...body, mind, spirit

My body!

-I fit into my jeans two months ago. I must weigh less than before Greg, because they are baggier by a few millimeters. Thank you Jesus for breast-feeding and healthy food choices!

-I have no idea how much I weigh.

-My skin is wrinkly all over my body and has lost a lot of elasticity. Greg will pinch my arms and my skin will raise up a few inches!

-Almost every single one of my nails has broken really low on my nailbed which is very painful.

-My poop finally became normal shortly after Mara died (so about 3 weeks ago), but last week it hardened up again due to very unfortunate issues.

-My skin is really dry for me. 

-How could I forget (I added this on the day after posting), I had a pinched nerve in my neck/shoulder area causing numbness and tingling in my left arm for four months!

My mind!

-I am working one less day per week to be at home more with Greg, and I am filled up with the thought of this.

-I now understand what it means when you want to eat up your child due to cuteness and love ;)  

-I am wondering what it means when I am listening to the book "When bad things happen to good people" on CD in my truck, and after the second CD my CD player will not eject it. Such irony!

My spirit!

-My spirits have been jostled around several times the last two months, and I often ask my spiritual director, Marci, if this is happening on purpose?

-Spirit dampeners: Mara's death, feeling ridiculed for pumping, losing trust for some people, forgetting my pump one day at work

-Spirit heighteners: being with Travis and Greg, yoga, having our moms babysit, seeing a huge eagle perched in a cornfield about 20 yards from the road one morning!

Still trying to understand God!!

Savoring, tears, spiritual, kisses!

I've heard over and over since Greg was born to savor it all when he's so small and savor each moment no matter his age! 

I took that to heart, so I practice mindfulness when I am with him. I stop and think of what's happening and soak in the moments. I do what it takes to breastfeed as much as I am able to outside of work because I know it won't last forever. During these younger months, we are doing what it takes to either take Greg with us or skip out on things.  With all that said, we are struggling to make our work situations  more feasible to be at home more with Greg. Prayers would be so much appreciated for my work to allow me to decrease my hours and for Travis to be able to increase his income.

Tears return every so often for various reasons and more recently for when I'm thinking about our labor days and our hospital postpartum stay. It was all so much. 

Recently I have felt connected, whether it's spiritual or otherwise, with a friend who had a baby yesterday. When I was at yoga I had a "dropping/contraction" type feeling in my uterus three times just a few minutes after her boy was born--like 4-6 minutes!! I really thought about her a lot the last two months as she's been going through the end of her pregnancy. As we discussed, God works in mysterious and awesome ways!

This last week I have also come to figure out the kissing baby phenomena :) I used to just touch my cheek to his cheek or head, but now I am kissing his cheeks!

P.S. He's doing well potty training US. We have 4-10 catches per day!! It's all about watching his cues and learning his elimination communication. 

Blessing!

Back to some usuals: pants are fitting better and started work last week--God truly gave me the gift of being able to leave Greg without having heartache 

Love my time at home

Extra pukey the last month

Seeing glimpses of the fun it will be to raise Greg

So in love with breastfeeding--what a miracle!

Into forming bubbles on lips, rolling/curling tongue, smiling, a few giggles, and paying more attention to where we are

Need a backup babysitter still

Going potty on the toilet at age 3 months 1day!

I'm seeing more blessings than curses the last few weeks! Feeling more love. 

Kiss!

I've come to realize that I'm not a baby kisser like most moms that continually kiss their baby. I am a "cheeker!" I'm much more of a touchy person with my cheek to his cheek or head. I love the feel of my soft cheek against his soft cheek or head!! For me, it's much more meaningful!

I haven't posted in a while, because I couldn't think of a topic to write about. I continue to savor all my moments at home with Travis and Greg. I love holding him and dread seeing his "I'm scared" face/cry. Things continue to be erratic including our sleep, my pumping amounts, and his eating schedule. This last week he weighed in at 12 lbs. 15 oz. and 23 3/4 inches long. His clavicle is healing just fine, and his heart murmur is better. He has been spitting up more, but he is eating faster and getting more erpy because of that.

Our animals could use prayers too:

Hank was having accidents again we believe due to the stress around here. 

Mara has pain likely due to possible arthritis in her back and hind legs. She's been getting chiropractic adjustments and acupuncture. 

Rudy now needs surgery on a tumor on his front left leg. 

Talk about $$!! Not good timing especially when I didn't have enough vacation hours for my maternity leave and won't be paid for some of it.

We are still looking for childcare!! Aghhhh! 

Fog!

Yes, I still feel like I'm in a fog. All the baby stuff doesn't seem real and some times I feel like I'm doing the motions and not here physically. It's weird to explain it all, but I know others have talked about it too. More lately I've been feeling like I woke up from a bad dream as I'm in the midst of all the hard stuff that comes along with a new baby. There are certain people, typically moms, that will ask all I'm "really" doing meaning they are wondering how these rough times are going, and there are other people who ask how I'm doing and expect a chipper grand response. I'm just not there yet, and then I have some guilt when I see their response. I know the guilt is normal, but that doesn't make it easier. 

The advice I've heard over and over is to soak in all these moments in these first three months while you're home. I've been doing that every single day as I cherish my days off and my time with Greg, Travis and the animals.

I've heard that around the 6th week things can be difficult with various stuff  like baby and mom hormonal fluctuations that can cause infant facial/ear rash, decreased milk production, increased cluster feeds, increased fussiness, etc. We are trying to figure out my food intake according to his gas, but we're having no luck there. So, I think it's just part of the growing phase. On top of all that, I landed a big zit on my face as well!!

Last Friday at 6 weeks 1day, he weighed 11#5oz! This week we have been putting on a very diluted Lavender in coconut oil on his face/ears and it is finally starting to clear up. 

Happy 7 weeks!